Work…
I’ve been professionally and personally musing on what it means to work full time and then also run a business.
The time consumed really absorbs all of your life and whatever it is that amounts to balance is up to you.
And the truth is there is no balance, or at least, if you work all the time, the only thing you can hope for is to not feel like you just work.
But when you’re working to hit numbers, the balance in my case is succeeding at the loads of effort required to pull everything off, in addition to feeling good about life, while not spending all of the money to self soothing from the amount of life energy that goes into work.
Is that balance? No, at best that is juggling. And I could go at impulse power. I could just make say 75k a year and not worry about it. But if i can press in and make 130k, should I leave the money behind?
I can gamble with my timeline and what I mean by that is that I can tell myself I have ten years left to live and my partner has twenty years left to live. Maybe those numbers are wrong though. Maybe she’ll go before me, maybe I’ll live long. Maybe we both go out in five. What is the right answer?
I think I make all the money and do my best to enjoy myself no matter how i cope with it. I am coming out of a work hard and fuck off kinda moderately but way consistently vibe. I’m trying to go into a more hollistic living, while grinding phase. And I don’t mind that, I just don’t want to feel like I’m grinding. I don’t mind the crushing pressure of work, i just don’t want it to eat at me. And if I’m going to frankly go through it a very sober like way, I want my spirit and conscious to feel good.
I still love the library
I’ve been going to the library since i was child. I still find it a great comfort and resource.
My parents
By the time my mother was my age (early fifties) she and my father were living with me. They’d lost everything. We’d come from nothing, decades of just being above poverty and then we had about twenty years (barely,) of middle class life (which they only achieved cause they did back breaking work,) and then they were poor again cause they didn’t course correct and continue to live below their means.
I am who I am through my understanding of their success (how they got to middle class life; hard work and sacrifice,) as well as their failure (the fact that they lost clarity, stopped living beneath their means and plundered their reserves, till they had nothing)
I am not smart, I’m just not stupid. And it may seem otherwise, but I don’t chase money. I never have, cause it is a trap. I do make money and I do work hard and I don’t pass up opportunities. I save. I live below my means.
Punchlist Walkthrough @ ParkPlace
This about when my deodorant rant out. It was around 84 outside, but it was kinda nice. Somehow there was a cool breeze on the air.
I was in the car or a meeting from 7:45am to 5:45pm.
12.4.22 Journal
WTF
12.4.22
Amazon has changed Amazon Prime Music. It used to be you had some songs (about two million), now you have all the songs but you don’t get to pick the songs, Amazon plays something like that for you. Real weird. It’s like Muzak, but annoying Muzak. I’d be less offended if I could, no, I’m just bothered. I do think it might be better if it was more like satellite radio, and maybe there were channels and genres. At least curate. Now when you ask for a song like it mentions the song and how it’ll play that song and songs like it. It feels a little like Vader saying “I’m altering the deal. Pray I don’t alter it further.”
Progress
Sustainable practices can be had through thought purchasing of products which are more easily replenished (think bamboo, mushrooms) , or reuse of existing products meant for landfill. Can we talk about TK3 some time.
I’ve cleared away a Miata sized area on the driveway side of the house. This new area is not meant for the missing Miata. it is instead one of two outdoor areas I imagine for the house.
This area is mullet like in concept.
From the street I’d like to follow the principles of a Japanese courtyard, thus privacy, mystery and some subtle act of grandeur is what I’d like to achieve.
From the inside of the house looking out, i want foliage, seating, elements of a courtyard. Lighting.
From the yard I want function. Tool storage, a table. Water, a sink maybe.
Money
I’m out of money I want to spend. I have money. I don’t want to spend anymore money. When you don’t want to spend money, you do everything you can to move progress, you spend no money. You do everything, you can, you look high and low, you ask people if they have shit they don’t want. You clean. You start thinking about how you can get a rock on the side of the road home. You buy nothing. You clean. You toss stuff out. You don’t buy anything though. You build the space as humbly as you can.
Only after you have exhausted the no spending efforts do you consider how you might spend money.
House
Things are good.